nothing good to say right now. I am not exactly thrilled about anything at this moment. I am freezing cold, hating my living situation, sick of feeling like I am never going to be settled anywhere, drained, and I don't have any energy to do anything. I didn't go to the gym at all last week. SO LAME. I can't get out of bed, and I don't want to be around anyone. Being depressed is really not good for the baby, but I don't know what I can do to feel any better right now.
I have work to be doing here at home, and I don't want to do it.
I called the courthouse today to make an "appointment" to be married. I thought I would want it this way, but it just seems so rushed, informal, like an arrangement or agreement. It feels unromantic, mundane, or like just part of a process at this point. I know that isn't what it is in reality, but it is what it feels like right now. It makes me sad.
I really hate living here right now. Beth is here at all times, and she is starting to wear on my nerves. I feel like I just have to hide in my room at all times. Even after I move, I know I wont be "settled." I know I'll be moving again when Gary gets here. I can't set up a room for the baby, I can't decorate, I can't really gather any belongings for the baby. It makes me sad.
I haven't put on any make-up or attempted to look half-way normal for work in weeks. I look like a cow in everything I own....and that has jack shit to do with this kid. It makes me sad.
I guess my hormones are just out of whack, but even as I write this I have to fight back the urge to burst into tears. I just want to go to sleep for a week!
Thinking about having the baby the other day was making me sad to. I don't really have anyone here that I feel comfortable depending on if Gary isn't here. No one to go with me to any sort of parenting, birthing class. It makes me sad.